Ok, I’m going to put myself out there…be vulnerable…share something with YOU that I’ve only ever shared with my wife…Are you ready???
Some days, I feel like I’m an IMPOSTER. Do you ever feel that way? No…just me? Well, great. That figures…
Merriam-Webster defines imposter this way – ” a person who deceives others by pretending to be someone else.” Yep, that’s pretty much it…
I am now a husband, a father, a pastor, and a writer. In the past, I have been the regional dean of a college overseeing 6 campuses, a president of a college campus, and a manager in several industries including printing, hotel/restaurant, and retail. While wearing each one of those “hats,” I have had many moments where I feel like I’m just an imposter.
I begin hearing words in my head like – “you’re not qualified to be doing this” or “you don’t have the skills, knowledge or abilities to be in this position/role” or “see, that’s why you failed just then, you’re not cut out for this” or “it’s just a matter of time before someone ‘finds you out'”. Have you heard things like this?
It can become such an overwhelming thought that it consumes me and I’m left feeling as though that any minute someone is going to walk in the room and say “AH HA! You’ve been found out! You are fired!” or “I want a divorce!” or “You’re a horrible daddy!” So, I just find myself sitting there…waiting on that moment to happen…
Is there anyone with me here?
I have ways that I’ve dealt with and continue to deal with this part of my life…but I will blog about that in the future. But for now, what about you? Can you relate at all? What are the thoughts or fears that consume you like this one that I describe?
Totally! I struggle periodically with that feeling of being found out as incompetent, failing, being out of my league.
It used to be a HUGE issue about ten years ago and it overwhelmed me a lot but it has gotten a lot better.
Thanks, Pastor Tim, for sharing this.
Thanks for posting Todd! What have you done to overcome this in the last 10 years?
Biggest thing for me is trying each day to remember who God says I am in His word. Then prayer. Then a lot of help from mentors who have spoken into my life.
I think for me the more appropriate question would be when DON’T I feel like an Imposter. I wear the mask of what I think those around me want to see. And, because it is a mask, I know it doesn’t fit as well as if it were the real me. Eventually, I know that people will get to know me and realize the mask exists. They will see the cracks, the clues that will lead them to believe that I am an Imposter. And then they will leave.
“Fake it till you make it” is something I have tried to live by in many areas, but what happens when you never make it? Tim, I am glad to at least know you struggle with similar feelings. It is a lonely feeling to believe that no human will accept the real you, and that the need for a mask exists to begin with.